Traffic jam for dummies

Once on TV, I watched a program that bedazzelled me : a traffic jam in a country other than mine : cars running in a perfect queue, between the lines, always keeping the right lane free for emergencies. In Lebanon, such a phenomenon is totally non-existent. Blocked in traffic jam, your options are limited only by the extent of your imagination. The regular driver finds himself parallel routes, a one way road in the opposite way, a road with no asphalt, any other road to bypass 10 meters of blockade. He is able to follow the most sinuous route : he drives and drives with minimal stops and, at the end, he takes back the highway at the same time as the other driver who stayed all the way on the highway. If you laugh at him, he'll yell -- at least I was rolling !! I'll go crazy blocked like that !! (Yeah , you're right, but mostly you'll drive the other drivers crazy with your non productive agitation and unstoppable honking!!) . The regular driver finally accepts the fact that the highway rolls best : it rolls slow, but it rolls. In Lebanon, in times of crisis, war, assassinations, terrorism, etc... highways usually have 3 to 4 lanes, with one extra lane on the right. In normal times, mainly in the summer, they have at least 5 to 6 lanes, and 2 on the right. The last 2 lanes are one on the asphalt and one in between asphalt and sidewalk. If you decide to follow a lane, lets say the second from the left, and try to stay in it, you'll be passed all the time by other cars, or else they'll honk at you because, in fact, you are blocking 2 lanes, any other car will attempt to sneak between you and the car on your side. So take my advices :

1. Each time your line rolls, start quickly and stop extremely close to the car in front of you : each time your line rolls, a car from one side (sometimes both sides) will attempt to throw itself in front of you and steal your turn. If you don't like this game, drive behind a truck, no one would like to take your place.


2. Drive on the left side : WRONG!!! It's the slowest lane, in case of heavy traffic.But it's the least stressfull one, you only have to watch your right side and you are driving far from trucks that usually drive on the right lanes.


3. Drive on the right side : it's the fastest way, but the most stressful one. In Lebanon, highways are limited all the way by any kind of shops, showrooms , restaurants... When driving on the right side, avoid doing so behind public transport : frequent and unexpected stops guaranteed. Don't drive neither on the very right side, you might bump into a brokendown car, a car coming at high speed from a parallel road or a car (usually driven by a woman) that needs to park in front of a shop and makes the whole line behind it wait for it to make up its mind on where, when and how to park, and finally, you see it starting to park and you maneuver to pass it and at this precise little instant, it changes its mind and drives back just in front of you !!


4. Drive on the very right side : with your left wheels on the road, and the right ones on the sidewalk. There you can guarantee that no car will pass you from the right ...YOU'RE WRONG !! There will always be some off-road that rolls ON the sidewalk if it is wide enough !!


5. Surrender !! All the driving tips that you might think you ALONE are aware of, are in fact known by most of your competitors on the road. Remember this proverb : slow and steady wins the race ( It is useless to run, one must leave in time).